This is what they would look like:

Britney Spears

Ashlee Simpson

Cameron Diaz

Mighael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones

Pam Anderson

John Travolta

Tara Reid (uh...isn't she supposed to look different?)

And my personal favorite...

Tom Cruise

Click here to check out the entire awesomely photoshopped bunch!

So although J-Lo has been the one sporting (and hiding, and denying, and fiiiinally admitting to) a baby bump for the past few months, it was Pamela Anderson whose surprise pregnancy was first announced this week.

Newly married Pamela is said to have found out about her new baby the same day that she and new husband Rick Salomon applied for their marriage license. Pam is "thrilled" about the pregnancy, and believes that Rick "will be the best husband she's ever had."

Yes, Rick Salomon is the same guy who made a sex tape with Paris Hilton and then sold it (and her) out for money and fame. Sounds like total husband material, if you ask me.

Then again, when you're being comparing to Tommy Lee and Kid Rock, I guess the scale tips pretty generously. Following their VMA brawl, Kid appeared on Larry King Live last week and had some less-than-positive things to say about his marriage to Pamela, their reasons for divorcing, and her new romance with Rick Salomon. Tommy, on the other hand, Pam's two-time hubby, was not so much disloyal as just utterly irresponsible. Take, for instance, his frequent jail stints, infecting Pam with Hepatitis C, or what may have been partial responsibility for the drowning of a child in his pool.

Clearly Pam really knows how to pick loyal and caring life partners. Let's just hope she doesn't make any sex tapes with husband number three!

This idea came to mind yesterday when I read that Pamela Anderson, yet another celebrity who has shown herself to be biologically capable of childbirth, sprouted rumors that she might choose to adopt a baby from Russia.

Also this month, Penelope Cruz and Mariah Carey joined Jessica Simpson in the adoption-chitter-chatter bandwagon. Penelope told Marie Clare this month, "For a while I've had the feeling that my life won't be complete if I don't adopt." May I just quietly/humbly observe that this seemingly intuitive impulse to adopt just might have something to do with the images of foreign-baby-clad Angelina and Madonna splattered all over every magazine??? I hate to say it Penelope, but you're sounding a little like a follower, my dear. And Mariah, you ain't doin' much better - adopting from Mexico, really?

At least Jessica Simpson has been talking about adopting for more than two seconds. She has been talking about orphans since she was still together with Nick in 2005 (note: 2 celebrity years equals at least 12 regular human years). Maybe that's why I still don't believe she'll actually go through with it...

Two things fascinate me about these celebrities who want to adopt. First of all, these chicks are pretty much all single. Oh wait, come to think of it, that actually makes sense. Except we are talking about women who could get like any man. Apparently they aren't interested in getting a sperm donor like Britney Spears did. But seriously, we've got basically-single Penelope Cruz, perpetually-single Mariah Carey and (let's be honest) soon-to-be single Jessica Simpson. Add to that Meg Ryan, who recently adopted a girl from China and is way divorced, Angelina, who was single when she began her adoption rampage, and the only non-single adopter is Madonna. Not that singledom presents much of a problem for these women anyway, considering that for them "being a single mom" will just mean holding their babies whenever there's a camera in sight or one of their 10 nannies is busy.

The second odddity: all of the aforementioned women, at least as far we know, are actually capable of childbirth. Pamela has two kids. Penelope said "I want to have my own kids, but also adopt." Jessica said "I want to adopt, and I plan to adopt before I have my own kids. Victoria Beckham, another recent adoption candidate, who "is desperate to have a daughter to be girlie with...and make the family less male-oriented" must have decided that her genes lack the Y chromosome because she considers adoption to be "the ideal solution." Meg Ryan already has a 15 year old boy, Madonna had two biological children prior to her Malawian adoptee, and Angelina recently delivered one of her own. So why the adoption fever?

Well, each of these celebrities say they feel a unique "sorrow" or "connection" with the kids in whatever random country they happened to be visiting when they decided to go orphanage hopping. Perhaps they believe they are making the world a better place - one baby at a time. Madonna expressed this view in one of her statements recently: "after learning that there were over one million orphans in Malawi, it was my wish to open up our home and help one child escape an extreme life of hardship, poverty and in many cases death, as well as expand our family." (source)

She does raise a good point. I mean, if you are going to be adopted, why not by rich people who are going to spoil the crap out of you and make you famous?While I find the celebrity concern for "disadvantaged" children touching, I have to wonder whether these women are more drawn to the idea of owning an exotic little baby - who will allow them to simultaneously exotify themselves and "rescue" a member of the third world.

Or does it all come down to fear of childbirth, as summarized by Jessica Simpson in her typical fashion: "I want three kids - but I don't know if I can give birth three times. I'll have to see how much pain is involved first time round!" Like I said Jessica, the whole mommy thing? I'll believe it when I see it...

Read More about Celebrity Adoptions:

"'Adoption Fever' Among Celebrities: Good or Bad?"

"Celebrity Adoptions Bring Joy to Elite"

Fun Quiz Regarding Celebrity Adoptions

Jennifer Aniston to Adopt? (I don't believe it for a minute...)